The End of the Road
I arrived back in San Francisco on July 11th. It took me exactly three months to be able to look through my travel pictures without feeling a gut-wrenching stab of longing. Those pictures meant that my trip of a lifetime was truly over, and I was not ready for that.
No one will ever know how much work went into keeping up appearances during my first months back. I kept it to myself, not even writing about it. I did not want to dwell on how much I missed the road. No thinking about how I longed for it and felt lost; how I struggled to be happy for those that were still traveling. Not focusing on the panic that woke me up at night or how, after being home for two months, I was bored of waking up in the same bed each day. I refused to admit that I wanted to drop everything and do it all over again.
Instead, I kept quiet. My loved ones tiptoed around me and did not bring up future travel plans, hoping I would decide to remain at home. In all honesty, I was hoping the same thing. It is the easier choice, the wiser choice, the most financially secure, the one that would make the most people happy. So I gave it a shot. I was quiet and took deep breaths and trusted that this was a process and I listened for the answer. Three months into my return to the “real world,” it came to me.
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Tess said that a kick in the ass is what causes people to quit their lives and travel. This was true for me. My trip was originally supposed to occur a year later than it did. But 10 months prior to my eventual departure, I had a fantastically horrible day at work, received some life-altering personal news, and realized I had enough in my savings to travel – an ass-kicking trifecta! I immediately bought my ticket to Mexico as a big “F*** you!” to my current situation and went from there.
But that was just the catalyst. The true REASON I went traveling was simple – I wanted to learn to live better. I did not shed my entire life to run away from reality. I did it to figure out how to create an existence that no longer kicked me. I went to learn how to fully, wonderfully, beautifully thrive.
I miss life on the road. For 18 months, that was my reality and identity. It was the greatest year and a half of my life, thus far. But my next adventure is making home life just as wondrous and awe-inspiring. That is what I have been doing since returning and I am feeling whole again – happy, fulfilled, inspired, motived. I am exactly where I am supposed to be and slowly creating the best version of my life yet.
So what happens once you complete a “trip of a lifetime”? There are plenty of plans and dreams bumping around in my head so stay tuned. I can guarantee that it is some pretty good stuff.
Until next time, friends…