One Month In

As of yesterday, I am officially a month into my trip. I cannot believe it. I arrived in Mexico, bused through Belize, and am now in Guatemala. So how did this month go?

In all honesty, my first month was wonderful and difficult and incredible and lonely and beautiful and scary. I can still place myself in those first couple of weeks – everyday was spent searching for a few hours of happiness and comfort. I was trying to escape the loneliness that was brought on by my new surroundings and uncertainty about my trip. I enjoyed my time, but I considered completing the day a success and consistently asked myself, “When am I going to start enjoying this? When does the amazingness begin?” I wanted my trip to be more than it was at that moment and I just was not getting to that point. Looking back, it all trickled down to fear. I began my trip a fearful traveler and now I see the way that it impacted each day. I did not want to talk to others in a different language or venture out of my room. I did not want to be without internet because then I could not talk with those at home. I did not want to jump off of a bridge and into the water below. I wanted to be out of my comfort zone but only to the point that made me comfortable. Ironic, right?

And then my trip started to get good. I finally began to accept the rhythm of the road. I was less and less fazed by unexpected challenges or lack of a definite plan. Since the beginning of my trip, my mantra had been, “I can handle it,” but that was more of a saying to keep me going and ease my anxiety. Now it is a true mantra and one that I carry almost subconsciously. Each day is an improvement on the one before. Saying yes is easier and wanting a new challenge is becoming second nature. That underlying fear has been replaced with an underlying peace and joy; a comfort in my trip as well as who I am.

As I reflect on my first month, I know that my days were not ideal and smooth sailing. The thing is, that is okay. I did not decide to do a solo trip around the world because it is the easy or comfortable choice. I wanted to struggle and surpass the edges of my comfort zone and continually impress myself with new accomplishments. I would not want any other beginning. If I had not had these trials, I could not appreciate the happiness that I feel today.

This past weekend, I shared pizza and beer with fellow travelers from Wales, England, New Zealand, Denmark, and Holland. I felt no fear or loneliness. Only excitement and curiosity and contentment. We shared bits of our backgrounds and swapped stories and added new places to our travel bucket lists. Before we ate, I stood back, took a picture, and smiled because I am finally beginning to experience the amazingness.

And with that, bring on Month 2! To celebrate the end of Month 1 and the beginning of my birthday week, I will be climbing a volcano on Saturday, and then spending the day swimming and exploring Panajachal (a city on the shore of Lake Atitlan) with friends on Sunday. Have a blessed day, mis amigos!